 |
| credit: Petite Madame |
He told him it’s a lost cause. He told him to give up and to accept it. Like it was something that could be accepted. This guy was just a nerd in a white gown. He doesn’t know their story. If he knew, he wouldn’t tell him those things.
He sat down on the chair next to Bucky’s bed.
There must be something that can be done. There must be something they haven’t tried yet.
The arm is one thing, Steve thinks, he can make his peace with that, as well as Bucky. A metal arm can be kind of cool. And very attractive too. What he couldn’t make his peace with, however, is the possibility that his only Bucky could die.
“Steve,” he heard a voice next to him. “Have you eaten today?”
“No,” Steve said. He remembered so, he thought, but after around four weeks, the days started to look the same.
Sam quietly pulled a chair next to his and sat down. He opened his mouth, he wanted to say something but then he didn't. He didn’t know what to say. What would help? He couldn’t tell Steve that everything’s going to be alright, nor that Bucky will wake up. What else could he possibly say to comfort Steve?
Finally he just said, “You can’t sit here for months. Especially not without eating, drinking and sleeping.”
“At least you’re here.” Steve’s voice was rusty. He hadn’t said a sentence that long for a relatively long time. “You bring me food and water. Clint brings clean clothes.”
“We can’t make you sleep,” Sam added.
“I don’t need sleep.”
Sam sighed and started to say, “Steve‒” but then he closed his mouth. He won’t wake up, whether you sit here with him or not, he wanted to tell his friend. But no. It was too soon for that.
Steve didn’t look up, his baggy eyes with black circles under them didn’t move away from Bucky. At least he blinked sometimes.
Sam sighed again, then he stood up and walked to the door.
“I know,” Steve whispered. Sam could hardly make out what he had said. He slowly made his way back to his chair. “I’m not stupid. There’s not much of a chance he would wake up. But I want to stay here with him. As long as that machine is turned on and bleeps, I will sit here and wait. It happens in movies. And books. Maybe it’ll happen here too.”
Sam nodded, he understood.
Steve continued. “He’s died once. At least we thought so. I don’t want to lose him again… and really. I’m going to stay here with him. That way I won’t lose him.”
“We’re worried about you, though, me and the others,” Sam said. “We only see you outside of this room when you go to the toilet. It must be terribly boring and crazy-making, and don’t deny it, it eats you up.”
“But he’s gotta know I’m here. I won’t leave him. ‘Till the end of the line,” Steve looked to the ups and downs on the EKG.
He shut his eyes closed for a moment.
Sam didn’t know how they parted. If he did, he would understand.
««
“You’re home ‘early.’ What a surprise,” Bucky greeted him in the doorway. He was looking at Steve suspiciously.
It was 1 AM; Steve knew he was way too late.
“Buck, I’m sorry, I just couldn’t get away‒”
“From what? Or whom? A guy?”
Steve was shocked.
“You think that’s what I’m doing when I come home later than expected?”
Bucky grumpily sat down on the couch, turning his back to Steve this way. He crossed his arms ‒ one flesh, one metal ‒ in front of himself.
“I was with Tony,” Steve told him. “We were working on plans. Because, you know, that’s our job.”
“At least I know who it is now.”
“Unbelievable,” Steve murmured disappointedly.
He was getting angry; how could Bucky think that? His wonderful, only Bucky who had always been by his side, and who Steve had never left either… Yeah, sure, the train was still a very weak point for him as he could’ve lost Bucky, and on top of that, he would’ve only had himself to blame for that ‒ however strongly Bucky believed it was his own fault ‒ but except that, he had never done anything that would hurt Bucky. And he had never left him alone.
“Bucky,” Steve started slowly as he walked to the couch and squatted in front of Bucky so he could look him in the eyes. “I’d never cheat on you. I hope you don’t seriously think this.”
“I’m seeing you less and less,” Bucky said.
“We’ve got the world to save.”
“I miss the Winter Soldier. I was the one who had to be saved then. I was the most important for you then.”
»»
Bucky was lying in the white bed motionless, his hair was getting greasier, his human arm was next to him loosely, his metal arm was set in a position stiffly. There was a big, sewn scar from his forehead to the corner of his mouth.
He had some broken bones, a couple of fractures, internal bleeding in several places, they told Steve. His head took the most critical hit though. That was the one that made him pass out.
And he hadn’t woken up since.
««
Bucky stood up without a word and rushed to the bathroom. He left Steve alone, speechless. Maybe he would know what to say by the time he got out of the shower.
Long minutes passed and Steve still didn’t have any idea what to say.
Then suddenly ‒ the sound of breaking glass comes. He heard a blunt thump the next moment.
Steve’s face went pale.
He jumped up immediately and rushed to knock the door open with his fist.
Blood and shatters.
Bucky.
»»
He was crumbling his fingers nervously. He was waiting for the results, for a doctor, good news, to see Bucky, he was just waiting, impatiently, for hours, and he was hoping.
For what? For Bucky to be alive, in one piece, getting better in that hospital bed when he could finally enter the room. The room which they wouldn’t let him into. Family only, they said, and true, Bucky and Steve were not yet married; though Steve wasn’t sure they would let him in if they would be. And he was hoping he would be able to prove how much Bucky meant to him, and how he had always been there for him, and how much he loved him, and why would Bucky ever doubt that, and‒
“Steve Rogers?” A doctor asked.
Steve stood up. “I’m him. How’s Bucky?”
And then the nerd in the white gown told him. Followed by, “He doesn’t have much of a chance of recovering.”
“He’s had a more serious… injury,” Steve said. “He’s going to make it.”
“I am familiar with his situation, sir. Let me give you some advice. It’s easier if you simply give up the fight and accept the loss.”
Steve blinked in disbelief. “Captain America doesn’t give up the fight and accept the loss.”
He grinned at the doctor and headed to Bucky’s room. He stepped in. Nobody tried to stop him. They didn’t care who entered, “he was dead already anyway.” Steve believed he was going to wake up. He just needed time. He had gone through worse than a fall in the bathroom.
»»
A nurse stepped into the room. “Sir, please leave the room for a little while. I need to change the patient’s clothes.”
“I’ve seen him naked,” Steve said and he didn’t move. He also didn’t take his eyes off of Bucky. He waited for him to move; he waited for tiny shakes or jerks, anything.
“I didn’t ask,” the nurse said.
Steve was still sitting, watching Bucky. The woman’s words flew by his ears.
“I’m doing this for your sake,” the old lady added. “It’s clear that this man is important to you. If you don’t leave the room, and it’s really just for five minutes, I need to call security. That’s the rule. And then you can’t come back to the room.”
Steve looked up.
“Please, leave the room.”
Steve rose up slowly and walked out.
The lady closed the blinds on the windows.
»»
“How long has he been in there?” Natasha asked.
“Two days,” Sam answered.
“And he hasn’t come out? Not one time?”
“Two times a day, for two or three minutes, to the toilet.”
Tony joined the conversation. “And you’ve been feeding him?”
“Somebody has to.”
“Does he sleep sometimes?” Clint inquired. “That’s important too…”
“I haven’t seen him sleeping.”
Then Natasha asked the big question. “How long does he plan on keeping up this vigil with Bucky?”
“The joke is that he’s the only one who’s actually awake. At least Barnes is sleeping.” Tony tried to resolve the tension. He failed.
“I’ll go, bring new clothes for him,” Clint announced and walked away.
“I’ll go with you,” Tony shouted after Clint. “He and style…”
Natasha sat down next to Sam. This part of the corridor was empty; only a few dark silhouettes were to be seen at the end of it.
“We were friends. We had a past,” Nat whispered. “And now we’ll never have a future.”
Sam didn’t really know Bucky but he had spoken to him a few times. He seemed cool. A little restrained ‒ judging by what the others had told him, no wonder. Poor guy had been through hell. Sam saw how important Bucky was to everyone.
“Don’t say that,” Sam finally said. “His heart is still beating. Don’t give up yet.”
He said that in the first week. Five more had passed since then.
They believed the doctors. Everybody gave up.
Except Steve.
»» PRESENT »»
What would he say to Bucky when he wakes up?
“I’m sorry” sounded like he indeed did cheat on him. He didn’t. He wouldn’t, ever. “You’re the most important to me” was too fake ‒ like something a character in a cheesy romantic movie would say. “I’ve been by your side the whole time.” Like it was an explanation to anything, Mr. Bragging.
Was he going to wake up though?
Steve rubbed his eyes with his palms and ran his fingers through his hair. He bowed his head down, elbows on his knees. He began to cry. His tears were falling without a stop, forming rivers on his face; some found a final destination on his lips, some dropped to the floor, and some stayed with him, on his pants, creating a wet stain.
Then he slowly raised his head and wiped his eyes. He had to stay strong. Bucky was strong too, he wouldn’t give up. The EKG showed a steady heartbeat. Faint but steady. Bucky was trying.
Steve placed his hands on Bucky’s human hand then he put his head on it too.
“Don’t leave me, Buck,” Steve whispered and kissed one of Bucky’s fingers.
He woke up to someone shaking his shoulders. He opened his eyes.
Sam was standing in front of him. He was smiling.
Natasha next to him. She was smiling.
A ray of hope was starting to form in Steve. He was now smiling also.
“His heartbeat got stronger,” Natasha announced with her usual calmness. “The doctors said he could be able to go home in a few days.”
He was sitting in the corridor, in the chair from the room.
“I brought you out,” Tony bragged. “With the chair. How much magic stuff did they put in you that you became this heavy?”
“You should be happy he finally slept,” Clint said.
“He could’ve, like, not snored.”
“I don’t snore,” Steve shrugged then stretched his body a little.
He stood up and walked up to the window of Bucky’s room. The blinds were closed, that meant he couldn’t go in.
“So I was sitting in there the whole time to not miss the moment when he wakes up, only to miss the actual moment when he woke up,” Steve summed it up.
Sam cleared his throat. “Maybe if you would’ve slept normally…”
“How long was I asleep?”
“Three hours and 35 minutes,” Tony informed him. “That reminds me, give me my ten bucks, Clint.”
Steve shook his head with a smile and turned back to the window. He was waiting for the door to open, the nurse to walk out, for the permission he could go in.
The doorknob moved.
The young doctor stepped out, the one who had told him to give up and accept the loss.
Steve raised his eyebrows; he was gloating just a little and only because of the joy.
The doctor cleared his throat. “It looks like your… partner‒ uhm, friend will fully recover in just a few days’ time and will be able to go home… get him home… and, we could say, he will be absolutely healthy. Besides, of course, the arm. Well, and the known mental problems. However, I was informed that it’s being treated. Post-trauma‒”
“I told you, doc. Don’t give up so easily next time.” Steve tapped the young man’s back and walked into Bucky’s room.
Bucky was sitting with pillows behind his back.
Steve sat down on the chair next to his bed. There was only one left in there.
“Hey,” Steve said.
“Hey,” Bucky said.
“I missed you,” Steve whispered.
Bucky closed his eyes. Steve got frightened.
Bucky opened his eyes. Steve calmed down.
Bucky reached out for Steve’s hand. Steve placed his in Bucky’s palm.
Bucky pulled Steve on the bed next to him and hugged him tightly. He didn’t want to let go of him anymore. Neither did Steve.
“I’m sorry I was a jerk,” Bucky murmured into Steve’s ear.
“Don’t worry about it, Buck. I love you.”
“I know.”
“We’ll put those anti-slip things everywhere in the bathroom.”
Nincsenek megjegyzések:
Megjegyzés küldése
Gondolatok? Kritikák? Kérdések?
Kíváncsi vagyok a véleményedre! Ha szeretnéd megosztani, ne habozz. °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°